i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
