two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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