I met the friendliest cop last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
