She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
