If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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