I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The feeling are messing with the penis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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