My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
