Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
