I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
