Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
