she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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