guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?