Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
