i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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