good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
