Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How external is "for external use only"?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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