I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
