Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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