Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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