totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
