Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
