Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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