Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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