I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
