Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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