is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
