my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
