The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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