Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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