He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
