I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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