my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That accounts for only three of the penises
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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