I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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