is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do cheetos always look like penises
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
