i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
