I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
