I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
