Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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