my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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