im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
