if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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