So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ketchup is God's man juice
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
