whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
