I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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