Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize