what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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