one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
