I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
