her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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