So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
