batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's just like the Real World with babies
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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