I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.