i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
