I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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