It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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