Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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