remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
