just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
