I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
