If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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