woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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