SEEEEXXX PLEASE
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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