Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
pop tarts are not kleenex
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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