I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
