Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
