The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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