I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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