last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
