No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
