So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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