gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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