cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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