Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
