After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
