can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
50% drunk capacity currently
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
