Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
