Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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