He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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